When you ask, are you really asking? Or are you expecting a certain answer?

Masked Demands

I’ve observed that too often, especially on the dance floor, when people ask for something like a dance, they’re not asking so you can reply with a “yes” or a “no.” They are asking expecting a “yes.” Sometimes, one person will grab a person’s hand and start walking towards the dance floor as they pose their question, assuming the answer will obviously be a yes. When we ask in this fashion, we are not asking. We are expecting a certain answer and depending on our body language and reaction, we are almost demanding that answer.

The Essence of Asking

Asking is about being open to any answer, even the ones we might not want to hear. When we approach someone and make a request expecting a certain answer, we add unnecessary pressure on that person and we set ourselves up for disappointment.  Maybe the person we asked will say yes, but perhaps that yes will be delivered grudgingly and they will feel resentful for the rest of the engagement because they were unable to get out it.


Sometimes, we need to stop and refocus on our actual goal, which is hopefully broader than one single individual. For most of us, the goal is to do something, to have something, to go somewhere. In case your goal is a partner dance, then a partner is necessary. On any given night, there are often many partners available to us.  Instead of feeling entitled and expecting someone to say “yes,” let’s get comfortable with rejection so we can get out there and ask again.  Gracefully accepting the answer you receive is a sign of maturity, confidence, and respect.  Get to the “yes.” Don’t force it! 🙂


  • Do you agree with this approach? Why or why not?
  • Do you feel entitled when asking?
  • What are your expectations when you ask for something?
  • What is a question to you?

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